tired

{05.21.2025}

i will always only want you, and i will always only want this. i'm so tired of fighting with you, i've always loved you and i always will. i don't know why this is so hard, i don't know why we struggle so hard to make this work. but i've told you before and i'll tell you a million more times, i don't feel the same way with anyone that i do with you. and i know you'll read this and tell me to shut up about it. stop writing about it. stop posting about it. shut up and move on.

but i can't, and i know why, it's because i'm hooked on you. i'm capable of being on my own, but i wanted you around. i still do. but the hole you leave when you take yourself out, i wish you could feel. i don't know how to explain it. but it's like, whenever you leave. you know your plans, you know your intentions. you know if you want me or if you don't. you know if you plan on coming back or if you don't. and all of those things, are unknown to me. and i wish you could understand that, and understand where my head falls. and i hate feeling my heart breaking. i can feel it break every time. i am empty, and i'm a shell of a human. i worry for myself. even when i know i'll make it through, i worry for myself. because i know that i put myself through hell trying to endure it, trying to get through it. i'm just .. tired. it takes everything in me to even write about it anymore, because i feel like i'm saying the same things over and over, finding myself in the same situations. i know you want me to write about it, i know you look for it, but if you look back at everything.. i still have the same feelings for you that i always have, and that's all i feel like is left to say. my heart is just, tired. i'm so tired.