without

{07.21.2026}

three and a half months, and it gets easier but some days it gets harder. and i broke down in tears last night in the gym parking lot, mad at the world and mad at God for taking away everyone that i have ever loved.

it's not fair to live a life without love, it's not how we're designed. every bone in my body craves someone to live my life with. and it's not a fear of being single, i can live with a lack of intimacy and connection. it's a fear of not sharing my life with people that i love, or more specifically, with one life partner that i love.

all of the most important, and most major, things in my current life are being done alone. the only support i have is myself, the only person who knows things is myself. and yes, that's all that really matters, but wouldn't it matter that much more to have one person by your side through it all? holding your hand and you know they'd be right there, cheering you on and supporting you with every small realization, every small victory, every setback, every time you broke down from exhaustion and frustration? just one person.

for once.