"what makes you happiest?"

{5.6.2024}

Over 3 years ago, I asked her what made her the happiest. And this is what she told me.

Electronically, music. She spoke through playlists. She carefully curated them for any emotion, any feeling. And they all matched perfectly every time. Even playlists that are just broad genres, are all of the highlights from that specific genre. Her love language is showing you music that she loves, she'll pass you half of a pair of headphones so that you can enjoy it with her. Whether you're sitting at a bar top, in a park, in a car, that's how she shows you that she loves you. She wants to share that aspect of her life with you, and it's how she chooses to communicate with you, as long as you're listening.

Physically, sunlight. It makes sense, she's truly like a ray of sunshine. She's always outside, and always has been. She always craved the warmth on her skin and absorbed it, and it glows through her even on her worst days. When I say she's like a ray of sunshine, I mean specifically the ones that slowly peek through the clouds after a midday thunderstorm. That's her heart. It's not always easy to read, but she's trying her best to be someone that radiates sunlight like mid-July heat in the south. And I know it's not always easy for her, but she makes it look so effortless no matter what she's been through.

Emotionally, laughter. Her laugh is contagious, not in a sense of laughing at her but making you want to laugh with her. It's beautiful and it radiates the way that she does. It's very specific, and I would still be able to identify it in a room full of people, the same way with her voice. It flowed so perfectly like a stream through the mountains, nothing rough about it at all, soothing and sweet, calming. Her voice and her laugh was as beautiful as she is.

Spiritually, deep conversations. She's very intuitive, with a pisces moon. She likes to delve into difficult topics, analyze the unknown, talking about souls and spirit and the divine connections that humans have. We used to talk a lot about ours, and even if she doesn't think about it the same way anymore, I still do and I probably will for the rest of my life. She was someone that came into my life and everything just clicked, everything made sense. She made me start to question everything I had ever known, everything I had ever been taught, everything I had ever practiced. After we cut contact the first time, I dove deeper into the spiritual realm and have never been more convinced of anyone being my twin flame. It was so hot and cold, push and pull. It was both the most intense and the most comfortable thing I have ever felt in my entire life. Three years went by, by the time we spoke again. And everything just felt like it made sense again. Her soul is one that I've known for lifetimes, and will continue to meet again and again. I hope we get it right one day, in one lifetime. Maybe it isn't supposed to be this one, or maybe it just isn't supposed to be this year. But in my heart I just know that our souls haven't met for the last time, nor will the last time be any lifetime soon.

Above all, this is what she said makes her the happiest.

"If I had to pick only one thing that made me happiest more than anything else, it would be the people I meet and cross paths with. People are what makes the world go around. And you live through the memories you make and the people you meet, so try to do your best."

Throughout my writing, I've made the reference multiple times about people and memories being the most important things in life. I don't know if I borrowed her words subconsciously or if we have the same mind, but I think it's a beautiful thing to think about. When I have referenced in my writing that people and experiences are what build us, I was speaking about her. Her short presence in my life meant more to me than she realized. And while I'm aware that the ending of it was my fault, I genuinely wish it was something I could undo and I genuinely wish it was never hard or complicated the way that it was. It was always the wrong time, but maybe one day we might get it right. "If our paths cross again, in another life."