the journal entries pt 4: dead to me.

If you want to compare rights and wrongs, we can. Yes, I did one of the worst things I could have. But at the end of the day, if you wanted me to stay, you would have stayed, and you didn't. You have left me over ten times in the last year, over twenty times since we met. And then you come back, out of the blue, expecting that I was fully loyal and would continue to be, while being barely in contact. Which isn't fair to me. With how many times you've left, I've lost being able to be sure that you'd come back. So at this point, it's unfair to me to wait, in the dark wondering if you'll be back. So I've tried to move on. It's never been about being over you, it's only been about telling myself that if you wanted to, you would. And when we're in contact, I do feel like you want to stay, but that's only until you randomly decide that we're unhealthy, randomly decide that I'm toxic.

Blocking me for being honest with you, about something I couldn't move forward without telling you, isn't fair to me. And guilting me for doing it is worse. We were not in contact, I was blocked. I'm always blocked, until you want to come around and act apologetic and act like you want to fix it. You're on your best behavior, but only for a couple weeks until you're gone again. Sometimes without an explanation.

So, all of that being said, telling me that I'm dead to you, crosses a line that you shouldn't have. Not only am I dead to you, for acting on my own free will and trying to be transparent with you about it. But consider yourself dead to me, consider the bridge burned, I'm done. Fuck you.