the journal entries: may 2024

{5.13.2024}

i want to hate you for making me attached all over again. it feels like i'm sitting here sick to my stomach over a lack of a response that i know i won't get from you, and you continue to drag it on. a phone call, a text, some kind of acknowledgement for the hell i've let you put me through again because my god. you never fully knew the affect you had on me. so at this point again i'm left with only the option of crossing my fingers & hoping you come back, & to tell me you'll be in my life & that you'll be there for me regardless of what happens. but i know you won't, so im at a loss, & i hate you for that.

{5.15.2024}

i'm sorry, please hear me out. i understand that you're upset because you feel like i'm hiding you, or that i'm lying to you. i swear i'm not. i do nothing but talk about you to anyone that lets me. close friends at work, even old friends that i only talk to occasionally. i have done nothing but tell literally everyone how much love i have for you & i'm nervous of how things will play out. it has NEVER ever been about hiding you it's been that i just wanted to let things play out how they're supposed to and i want you here. i want you in my life & i care about how you feel i promise, i care about your feelings more than i care about my own. it has never ever been about hiding you. i'm sorry. i never ever meant for things to come across the way they did.