the biggest fear

one fear was losing her, another fear was hurting her.

but the biggest fear, is losing her entirely. losing her somewhat, i think i could survive, if we were still under the same sky. knowing we were looking at the same moon, same stars, same sun. if i could think that there was maybe one more chance for us, i think i could do it ... but losing her entirely, into the sky .. i know i couldn't handle.

the most gut-wrenching phone call. i genuinely felt my heart break, and choked back tears when i was silent because i didn't want her to hear my voice shaking, even though i know she did. the hurt that i caused, the shit that i couldn't make work. was my own downfall, because we were the one thing that kept her from feeling like this.

and now i'm scared shitless that i'll get a call one day that knocks me to my knees, or that i'll feel it in my heart if it happens. our souls are so painfully intertwined, that there's nothing else that matters except for her. fuck anything else i've said, it's all only come back to her. every time. and she told me to stop writing about it, to stop talking about it.. but it feels like there's just so much left unsaid when it comes to being scared of losing someone that way.

and i'm at such a loss. i don't know what to do, im convinced i could make it work but she's convinced it won't. in her mind.. we had a limit. and i have to respect that, i won't push it, i won't push her, but there's always room in my heart for it .. i just don't know what to do.