sometimes

sometimes i do miss you. sometimes i wonder what you're doing, what you're thinking. if you think of me at all. i don't go out, im on my phone less. i sleep more, but tired all the time. and it's just how i cope when i don't have the energy to do anything. you'll never be erased from my memory, i think of you every day and hope you're well.

sometimes, i do have the urge to fall back into unhealthy coping mechanisms, but i know i'll never heal if i do. and sometimes .. i do text you, knowing my number is blocked. and when i do .. i wait a few seconds after the "send" sound, to see if it delivers, but knowing it won't. i promise i won't call. i'm not going to reach out from another number. this time, i'm waiting in silence .. patiently. even if i feel low too. i know i wont get through it if i'm only reaching for distractions. i finally woke up today without needing pain meds as soon as i opened my eyes, and i knew i would be okay.

i hope you are too. but sometimes i miss you. and sometimes i wonder if i'll ever hear your voice again, or if i'll ever see your face again, or if you'll hate me for the rest of your life. and if you do, that's okay. but sometimes i just hope that you'll change your mind, because i know i'll love you for the rest of mine.