single sentences

{11.09.2025}

and sometimes it feels like i don't even know you anymore, and like you don't know me anymore .. it's just that so much has changed.

and i know it doesn't matter anymore, i know i should just forget it all ever happened, but everything else just feels dull and meaningless and i think .. i hang on to memories no matter how pointless it is because it was the only thing that ever really meant something.

and i'm fighting with myself trying not to become as hateful or cold of a person that i'm feeling, i'm really trying because with everything in me the last thing i want is to be hateful and cold.. but it feels harder than it should

{11.10.2025}

i promise i won't push, i don't want to try to control an outcome, just know that i'll always be right where it left me, know that there will always be a place for you at the table, but know i won't force you to take a seat. and if you ever just want to stand and think about it, that's okay too.

because the thing is, genuinely, just from one human being to another i care about you, and i genuinely just want you to be okay.

{11.15.2025}

i do want her to be happy. even if it hurts my heart to have to say it.

and if it's someone else, i understand. i've had to accept that at the end of the day, it's probably not going to be me. as badly as i wanted it, as much as i prayed for it, hoped for it, longed for it, it wasn't enough for her. and she needed something different. it wasn't my happy ending. its just something i'm going to have to come to terms with

just .. remember i was here, because i promise i wanted it to work more than anything, more than anyone

i don't know if i can do this, i don't know if i can live with myself like this. because i can feel it eating me from the inside out but just .. please take care of yourself

https://open.spotify.com/track/1WFNU6zWFu5BpSiQOAVTAO?si=HGlBWZYwTa-_f6XW4htnxg

and for the first time .. i actually went out after a dpp show and didn't even think about a drink

{11.17.2025}

"maybe i don't want to heal because pain was the last bond i had to you"

{11.24.2025}

and if i wasn't blocked when i sent that text, i'm sorry. i can't explain the reasoning behind it, but. oh well.

{11.25.2025}

https://open.spotify.com/track/4UIYEEitHf6DTvqqCZtcv9?si=anmLCKdtQWmh56kqWowsvg

i think i'll always love you, and i think i'll always miss you ..

if you ever find it in your heart one day, i hope you find me. and if you ever find it for someone else, i hope there's a piece of them that loves you as much as me.

happy thanksgiving .. i promise i'll leave you be.

i don't know what to say anymore, i know im probably blocked .. but i don't know what else there is that i can do.

i hope you're okay too.